10 Ways to Amaze Your Partner
by Desiree Spierings, Director of Sexual Health Australia
- Bucket List – Write down 10 NEW things you would like to do with your partner each week. It has to be something you have not done before. So it could be; going for a walk in a different area, having a picnic, having a cup of tea on the balcony, going for dinner at a new restaurant, etc…Put them in a bucket and each Monday pick one out of the bucket and make it happen that week. This is important as research indicates that those couples who do something new and exciting regularly are happier with their relationship, not just now but also in the future compared to those who don’t.
- Two minute partings/greetings – Often couples are very busy and they might just run out the door in the morning, or come home and start working on their to do list straight away without even saying good bye or greeting their partner properly. So take two minutes each time you say good bye or greet each other, where you give them a proper hug, ask them about their day, and wish them well.
- Seesaw Principle – In relationships each partner has their roles, for example, one always does the washing and ironing, the other always does the gardening. Try to implement the seesaw principle now and again, where you surprise your partner by having done their role without wanting anything in return, but just because…because you love them.
- Reminisce – Often couples have a wonderful love story and history. And this history is what makes their commitment level high. So it is great to be reminded of this, so plan a lovely evening where you can both reminisce and think about the past, for example, your first date, your wedding, when you decided you wanted to have children, memories that made you laugh, great holidays etc… Just a tip; take some photo’s along!
- Dream – Make plans together of the future, and dream of what this future may look like. It is great for couples to see clearly what it is they want and work for, which in turn can be a great motivation to get there as a team together.
- Send a Reminder – Remind your partner throughout the day that you think of them or love them or care for them, either via sending a text, email, or leave a post note behind for them to find.
- Minimize Your Exits – Exits are activities that can interfere with the relationship, as it could feel to your partner as if you are avoiding the relationship, whereas you could be spending time with them. For example: being on your phone, computer, facebook, going to gym 5 nights a week, hanging out with your friends all weekend, spend your whole Saturday morning cleaning etc. It is healthy to have some exits and to think of your personal needs, but too many exits is what we call the ‘invisible divorce’ and can end in disaster. So try to consciously minimize your exits to free up a bit more time for your partner.
- Implement Bridges – In the busyness of life it often feels weird to just go from doing to dishes to spending intimate time with your partner. So make sure you implement bridges, these are the things you might do that set the mood, that is a clear break, or sign that we move away from ‘work-time’, into ‘together-time’. For example, having a spa/shower/bath together, having a wine together, giving each other a massage. This creates an opportunity for intimacy to happen.
- Express your Love for your Partner to Others – Instead of saying positive things, or giving your partner compliments directly, tell their friends/family/people they care about, how wonderful your partner is, or what lovely thing he/she does for you, or something positive about their looks/character/personality etc…You can do this in front of them, but even if you don’t, it tends to have a funny way of reaching them anyway.
- Just for them – Do something just for them. So give them something that they would like without you liking it. For example, give them permission to play their Xbox for one night a week, to go out with their friends once a month, to have a holiday with their brother (without you). It will really make them love you, because it makes them realise you really love them, because you have given them something only they really want, not something you would want.
About the author
Desiree was the relationship counsellor and sex therapist on the ABC1 TV series ‘Making Couples Happy’, which aired in February 2013.
Additionally is also an Accredited Professional Member of ASSERT NSW and she was a member of the project working group for psycho-sexual issues for women with gynecological cancers, which was funded by Cancer Australia and the National Centre for Gynecological Cancer.